a CLASSIC RETVRNS -Starbuck: Lost in Castration

[The Saltex Brujo]

Starbuck: Lost in Castration
Once upon a time, in what used to be a far away land called Hollywood
but is now a state of mind and everywhere, a young actor was handed a
script and asked to bring to life a character called Starbuck. I am that
actor. The script was called Battlestar Galactica.
Fortunately I was young, my imagination fertile and adrenal glands
strong, because bringing Starbuck to life was over the dead imaginations
of a lot of Network Executives. Every character trait I struggled to
give him was met with vigourous resistance. A charming womaniser? The
"Suits" (Network Executives) hated it. A cigar (fumerello) smoker? The
Suits hated it. A reluctant hero who found humour in the bleakest of
situations? The Suits hated it. All this negative feedback convinced me
I was on the right track.
Starbuck was meant to be a loveable rogue. It was best for the show,
best for the character and the best that I could do. The Suits didn't
think so. "One more cigar and he's fired,"they told Glen Larson, the
creator of the show. "We want Starbuck to appeal to the female audience
for crying out loud!" You see, the Suits knew women were turned off by
men who smoked cigars. Especially young men. (How they "knew" this was
never revealed.) And they didn't stop there. "If Dirk doesn't quit
playing every scene with a girl like he wants to get her in bed, he's
fired!" This was, well, it was blatant heterosexuality. Treating women
like "sex objects". I thought it was flirting. Never mind. They wouldn't
have it.
I wouldn't have it any other way, or rather Starbuck wouldn't. So we
persevered, Starbuck and I. The show, as the saying goes, went on and
the rest is history =97 for, lo and behold, women from all over the
world sent me boxes of cigars, phone numbers, dinner requests, marriage
proposals... The Suits were not impressed. They would have there way,
which is what Suits do best, and after one season of puffing and
flirting and gambling, Starbuck, that loveable scoundrel, was indeed
fired. Which is to say Battlestar Galactica was cancelled. Starbuck
however, would not stay cancelled, but simply morphed into another
flirting, cigar-smoking, blatant heterosexual called Faceman Another
show, another set of Suits and, of course, if the A-Team movie rumours
prove correct, another remake.
There was a time =97 I know I was there =97 when men were men, women
were women and sometimes a cigar was just a good smoke. But 40 years of
feminism have taken their toll. The war against masculinity has been
won. Everything has turned into its opposite, so that what was once
flirting and smoking is now sexual harassment and criminal. And everyone
is more lonely and miserable as a result.
Witness the "re-imagined" Battlestar Galactica. It's bleak, miserable,
despairing, angry and confused. Which is to say, it reflects, in
microcosm, the complete change in the politics and mores of today's
world as opposed to the world of yesterday. The world of Lorne Greene
(Adama) and Fred Astaire (Starbuck's Poppa), and Dirk Benedict
(Starbuck). I would guess Lorne is glad he's in that Big Bonanza in the
sky and well out of it. Starbuck, alas, has not been so lucky. He's not
been left to pass quietly into that trivial world of cancelled TV
characters.
"Re-imagining", they call it. "un-imagining" is more accurate. To take
what once was and twist it into what never was intended. So that a
television show based on hope, spiritual faith, and family is unimagined
and regurgitated as a show of despair, sexual violence and family
dysfunction. To better reflect the times of ambiguous morality in which
we live, one would assume. A show in which the aliens (Cylons) are
justified in their desire to destroy our civilisation. One would assume.
Indeed, let us not say who are he guys and who are the bad. That is
being "judgemental". And that kind of (simplistic) thinking went out
with Margaret Thatcher and Ronald Reagan and Katharine Hepburn and John
Wayne and, well the original Battlestar Galactica.
In the bleak and miserable, "re-imagined" world of Battlestar Galactica,
things are never that simple. Maybe the Cylons are not evil and alien
but in fact enlightened and evolved? Let us not judge them so harshly.
Maybe it is they who deserve to live and Adama, and his human ilk who
deserves to die? And what a way to go! For the re- imagined terrorists
(Cylons) are not mechanical robots void of soul, of sexuality, but
rather humanoid six-foot-tall former lingerie models who f**k you to
death. (Poor old Starbuck, you were imagined to early. Think of the fun
you could have had `fighting=B4 with these thong-clad aliens! In the
spirit of such soft-core sci-fi porn I think a more re-imaginative title
would have been F**cked by A Cylon. (Apologies to Touched by An Angel.)
One thing is certain. In the new un-imagined, re-imagined world of
Battlestar Galactica everything is female driven. The male characters,
from Adama on down, are confused, weak, and wracked with indecision
while the female characters are decisive, bold, angry as hell, puffing
cigars (gasp) and not about to take it any more.
One can quickly surmise what a problem the original Starbuck created for
the re-imaginators. Starbuck was all charm and humour and flirting
without an angry bone in his womanising body. Yes, he was definitely
`female driven=B4, but not in the politically correct ways of
Re-imagined Television. What to do, wondered the Re-imaginators? Keep
him as he was, with a twinkle in his eye, a stogie in his mouth, a girl
in every galaxy? This could not be. He would stick out like, well like a
jock strap in a drawer of thongs. Starbuck refused to be re-imagined. It
became the Great Dilemma. How to have your Starbuck and delete him too?
The best minds in the world of un-imagination doubled their intake of
Double Soy Lattes as they gathered in their smoke-free offices to curse
the day this chauvinistic Viper Pilot was allowed to be. But never under
estimate the power of the un-imaginative mind when it encounters an
obstacle (character) it subconsciously loathes. "Re- inspiration"
struck. Starbuck would go the way of most men in today's society.
Starbuck would become "Stardoe". What the Suits of yesteryear had been
incapable of doing to Starbuck 25 years ago was accomplished quicker
than you can say orchiectomy. Much quicker. As in, "Frak! Gonads Gone!"
And the word went out to all the Suits in all the smoke-free offices
throughout the land of Un- imagination, "Starbuck is dead. Long live
Stardoe!"
I'm not sure if a cigar in the mouth of Stardoe resonates in the same
way it did in the mouth of Starbuck. Perhaps. Perhaps it "resonates"
more. Perhaps that's the point. I'm not sure. What I am sure of is
this=C2=85
Women are from Venus. Men are from Mars. Hamlet does not scan as
Hamletta. Nor does Han Solo as Han Sally. Faceman is not the same as
Facewoman. Nor does a Stardoe a Starbuck make. Men hand out cigars.
Women `hand out=B4 babies. And thus the world, for thousands of years,
has gone round.
I am also sure that Show Business has been morphing for many decades now
and has finally become Biz Business. The creative artists have lost and
the Suits have won. Suits. Administrators. Technocrats. Metro-sexual
money-men (and women) who create formulas to guarantee profit margins.
Because movies and television shows are not made to enlighten or even
entertain but simply to make money. They will tell you it is (still)
about story and character but all it is really about is efficiency.
About The Formula. Because Harvard Business School Technocrats run
Hollywood and what Technocrats know is what must be removed from all
business is Risk. And I tell you life, real life, is all about risk. I
tell you that without risk you have no creativity, no art. I tell you
that without risk you have Remakes. You have Charlie's Angels, The
Saint, Mission Impossible, The A-Team (coming soon) Battlestar
Galactica. All risk-free brand names, franchises.
For you see, TV Shows (and movies) are made and sold according to the
same business formula as hamburger franchises. So that it matters not if
the `best=B4 hamburger, what matters is that you `think=B4 it is the
best. And you do think it's the best, because you have been told to;
because all of your favourite celebrities are seen munching it on TV.
The big money is not spent on making the hamburger or the television
show, but on the marketing of the hamburger/show. (One 60-second
commercial can cost more than it does to film a one-hour episode.) It
matters not to Suits if it is Starbuck or Stardoe, if the Cylons are
robots or lingerie models, if the show is full of optimism and morality
or pessimism and amorality. What matters is that it is marketed well, so
that all you people out there in TV land know that you must see this
show. And after you see it, you are told that you should like it. That
it is new and bold and sleek and sexy and best of all=C2=85 it is
Re-imagined!
So grab a Coke from the fridge (not the Classic Coke, but the re-
imagined kind with fewer calories) and send out for a McDonald's
Hamburger (the re-imagined one with fewer carbs) and tune in to Stardoe
and Cylon #6 (or was it #69?) and Enjoy The Show.
And if you don't enjoy the show, or the hamburger and coke, it's not the
fault of those re-imaginative technocrats that brought them to you. It
is your fault. You and your individual instincts, tastes, judgement.
Your refusal to let go of the memory of the show that once was. You just
don't know what is good for you. But stay tuned. After another 13
episodes (and millions of dollar of marketing), you will see the light.
You, your instincts, your judgement, are wrong. McDonald's is the best
hamburger on the planet, Coca-Cola the best drink. Stardoe is the best
Viper Pilot in the Galaxy. And Battlestar Galactica, contrary to what
your memory tells you, never existed before the Re-imagination of 2003.
I disagree. But perhaps, you had to be there.
Dirk Benedict, writing in Dreamwatch, May 2004
Did You Know?
Dirk Quotes -
Dirk Trivia -


mobileleaptop

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DON'T TAZE MY GRANNY!

BEWARE OF OL' JEEZL PETE.

MAY 2012: MONTH OF THE ROBBY.

INDY SAYS: "KISS MY BRICKS!"

[David E. Powell]

LMAO

A good point. The original BSG was a hit in part because it was
unafraid to be so "good vs. evil" and feature unapolagetic heroes.

I have a feeling a similar show today would do well, as the rest of
the field is so different, and often morose, these days.

Richard Hatch was on "Red Eye" last week, by the way, and he was
great.

[RT]

Post by David E. Powell
LMAO
A good point. The original BSG was a hit in part because it was
unafraid to be so "good vs. evil" and feature unapolagetic heroes.

It was aimed more towards kids, after all.

Post by David E. Powell
I have a feeling a similar show today would do well, as the rest of
the field is so different, and often morose, these days.
Richard Hatch was on "Red Eye" last week, by the way, and he was
great.

[Clu]

I remember when DC comics made the shift from "good guy" to "realistic".
It was when I was reading Green Lantern and Hal Jordan went through
some personal problems. To matter the fact, in the late 80's it seemed
a lot of heroes did.

Luckily just as the Flash was getting his battery of personal problems
he was killed off in Crisis on Infinate Earth.

Hal Jordan would not be so lucky.

He was the hero through and through. Fearless, and nearly flawless as
he maintained his role as guardian of Earth's sector of space.

Then DC made the statement "In able to be Earth's greatest hero, he will
first have to become a man" I remember as a fan of Hal Jordan being
confused and insulted by this statement. It was not a year before he
had been dumped into the arctic without his ring, and managed to brave
the elements and survive till making it back to civilization. And here
they are questioning his mettle as a man?

Soonafter that statement was made, his home town with Pieface, his
girlfriend and all is obliterated. Then he goes crazy, starts killing
off other Green lanterns to get their rings to recreate his home town.
At some point he becomes Parallax, yadda yadda yadda.

Interestingly enough, this to me shows the trend towards the morose over
the regular hero.

However... the pendulum then swings the other direction.

In recent times, like since 2005-ish? Hal Jordan had parallax exorcised
from his being, and he was re-instated as a Green Lantern. Hal Jordan
is back to being his fearless and daring self again, and I think many
fans are glad to have him back.

Even Barry Allen, the original Flash, has been brought back.

Granted all this is before the new 52 happened, but even in that changed
universe you still have Green Lantern in that place.

Point being, is there a place for Morose? Sure.
Is there a place for heroes and examples? Sure.

I just think that for heroes you need heroes who are believable.
People who you can say "Hey, they have flaws like me, but I am inspired
on how they overcame those flaws like I face."

I think true heroes need to be able to show others the way. How to get
from point A to B. We need to be reminded sometimes that they are
human, and can fail, but see how they get back up when they do, thus
showing how they are heroes and ultimately lead the way.

I think that classic Apollo and Starbuck (and Boomer, Adama, Tigh, and
the rest) were all that. Their characters as they were could live on
today in television. The way it would have to be different is that
when Apollo and Starbuck have problems they would need to go on for a
few episodes. They get into a fight and they would have to have some
of that come up later, even if they did manage to quickly resolve
differences. You know, more real life stuff.

Anyway, my two cubits on the matter...

Jubal

Post by David E. Powell
LMAO
A good point. The original BSG was a hit in part because it was
unafraid to be so "good vs. evil" and feature unapolagetic heroes.
I have a feeling a similar show today would do well, as the rest of
the field is so different, and often morose, these days.

[The Saltex Brujo]

i am rewatching the new BSG again from the miniseries up and i am into
the beginning of season two.
there are, it seems, a lot of masochists/sex addicts who get turned on
by the rough handling [esp the cylons it seems] on that show.
The female strabuck and boomer kind of took the three
muskateer/triumvirate feel out of the equation and kind of left apollo
not sure of his place. He just kind of flits around from job to job from
being warrior to lawyer to politician and back to warrior.

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POLITICAL CORRECTNESS IS DA DEVIL!

DON'T TAZE MY GRANNY!

BEWARE OF OL' JEEZL PETE.

2012: YEAR OF THE ROBBY.

[Clu]

Post by The Saltex Brujo
i am rewatching the new BSG again from the miniseries up and i am into
the beginning of season two.
there are, it seems, a lot of masochists/sex addicts who get turned on
by the rough handling [esp the cylons it seems] on that show.
The female strabuck and boomer kind of took the three
muskateer/triumvirate feel out of the equation and kind of left apollo
not sure of his place. He just kind of flits around from job to job from
being warrior to lawyer to politician and back to warrior.

Yeh I kinda liked the musketeer feel.

As for re-imagined Apollo, fairly ordinary from what I gathered. Aside
from the roles you mentioned he also takes on being a cheater and drunkiod.

Jubal

[The Saltex Brujo]

i am rewatching the new BSG again from the miniseries up and i am into
the beginning of season two.
there are, it seems, a lot of masochists/sex addicts who get turned on
by the rough handling [esp the cylons it seems] on that show. The female
strabuck and boomer kind of took the three muskateer/triumvirate feel
out of the equation and kind of left apollo not sure of his place. He
just kind of flits around from job to job from being warrior to lawyer
to politician and back to warrior.

Post by Clu
Yeh I kinda liked the musketeer feel.

As for re-imagined Apollo, fairly ordinary from what I gathered. Aside
from the roles you mentioned he also takes on being a cheater and
drunkiod.
Jubal

it seems that most of the Colonial Warriors in the new version are
drunks!
Tigh was the most infamous, with his little ankle flask and 'doctored'
coffee.
But adama tolerates it amazingly well.
Starbuck was no tea totaller either.
its kind of funny all they show in BSG was mainly alcohol as in Caprica
they said that all drugs had been legalized and we saw sister clarice
and amanda greystone getting stoned out of their minds on bong tokes.

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SHORTBUS O'REETEE STICKLER.

DON'T TAZE MY GRANNY!

BEWARE OF OL' JEEZL PETE.

2012: YEAR OF THE ROBBY.